Drag Me To Hell DVD Review

Release Date: May 29, 2009
Studio: Universal Pictures
Director: Sam Raimi
Screenwriter: Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi
Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Lorna Raver, Jessica Lucas, David Paymer, Dileep Rao
Genre: Horror
MPAA Rating: PG-13 (for sequences of horror violence, terror, disturbing images and language)
Official Website: DragMetoHell.net

Synopsis: A 200 year old hag is struck with furious anger after an innocent girl announces her that the bank is throwing her out of her house. So the lady curses the girl, instead of the bank owner- thus initiating the most excruciating 2 fucking hours I’ve ever had while watching a movie, fuck my life.

Thank you for checking out this DVD “review” since this movie just came out on DVD this week.

Oh. My God. Let me start off by saying that this is by far the worst movie I have ever seen.  No, not Epic Movie or any spoof, why? because those are aimed at dumb teenagers, and theyre supposed to be retarded, so I don’t mind them- theyre just not my cup of tea… they greatly succeed at drawing fans who like that type of shit. But this made the mistake of calling itself a “comedy” and a “horror”. I know this is Sam Raimi’s movie, and the whole “Oh, but this is his style” bullshit is NOT an excuse. This and 10,000 B.C. are the two worst movies I have EVER seen. And let me tell you right now, this one was way worse. What surprises me is the positive reviews this is getting!

This movie was no spoof, no joke, it really tried to be scary (and failed) it also tried to be funny but ended up being fucking stupid. The movie’s first scary scene is about a freaking HANDKERCHIEF jumping at your face, yes a HANKIE!! Oh! Beware the hunted hankie!!

Then we see a full grown fucking woman get her ass beat by a dead deceased lady, who’s face and vagina have probably so many wrinkles that both look about the same. Why would she curse the innocent girl if the bank is the oe with the faulty system? Its the bank that’s forcing their workers to decline their clients (and i can go into the politics version of this to PROVE that its the companies fault and not the girl, but I won’t) but the “villain” of the movie decides to curse the girl who tries to get her house back for her but also gets denied. Then in the parking lot fight scene she pulls out a brick out of her sleeve to break into a car (sigh)

Theres a part in which blood is vomited is GALLONS (and she turns out to be just fine) there is a sene in which a goat talks and is possessed by Satan, the “jumpy scary scenes” looked like they where made to scare retarded children, the comedy seemed to only insult me as I had a confused look on my face because I failed to point out the scary and the funny parts. They show the scary demon thats supposed to be the main villain dancing salsa on top of a burning table at the end, which was THE DUMBEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.  This movie is very pleasing, if youre mentally challenged, enjoy watching Van Diesel movies, and are Communist

[The only part I liked of this movie was Justin Long, because hes a MAC and he's cool. But that will be canceled out by a huge mistake this movie made (im getting to that)]

BUT. THIS MOVIE MADE ONE HUGE MISTAKE!!!

Beware this will sound like me trying to make a joke, it isn’t- this is a true soft spot for me, it is something that greatly disturbs me.

In the middle of the movie, there is a part in which a kitten is stabbed to death, I stood up and squeaked out of shock. I am 100% OBSESSED WITH CATS. Everyone that knows me knows that I would give my own life for a beautiful, cuddly, lovely kitten <3<3<3 I was SO PISSED at this scene. I mean, I get it, I fucking get it, Sam Raimi likes making stupid movies to please dumb people that like gore and dumb spoof movie-class humor.

But there’s NO need to kill a cat on screen.  My soul could never be worth one million kitten lives. I cannot stand even remembering that scene.

This movie deserves nothing but a -100% F-

And for all fo you fucking wise asses that are going to say “Oh but thats not an actual percentage, I’ll give it a 0% F-
And I know that most of you disagree with this review, and that is completely okay, it is all about opinions =] I just personally hated this movie. So what did you think of this movie? Have you seen it yet?