This is my indictment. This is where I give you the truth about why we have movies like this out. It is all because of these guys Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, directors of such classics (sarcasm) as Epic Movie and Meet The Spartans, decided to pick up a camera but were too lazy to put up ANY effort. But it goes much farther than that, and that is what will be revealed in this article.
Here is the short version of this review:
1. Friedberg and Seltzer are at fault.
2. The Studio is at fault.
3. We are at fault.
FRIEDBERG AND SELTZER ARE AT FAULT
Just look at their past work. Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans, Disaster Movie, and now Vampire Sucks. And each film it is the same f**king thing each movie. It spoofs several movie in the lowest, unfunny way, it has pop culture references that make no sense and have no point (just like the movie in general), and the “jokes” go on and on and on. For example, “Look there’s Harry Potter!” Drop a cow on top of him. “Look there’s Spider Man” Drop a cow on top of him. “Look, there’s that dude from the Old Spice commercials.” Drops a motherf**king cow on top of his head. The problem is they don’t try and the reason they aren’t trying is in are next topic.
THE STUDIO IS AT FAULT
We have learned in the past that it is always about money. Now granted that some directors may want to go and make a film because it may connect to them or an actor may join because he loves the script or its a passion project, but in the end it is all about money. That’s the same with these movies (if you can call them movies). If we had smart people sitting in those executive chairs, these movies would have never seen the light of day. These studio executives don’t care about making a good movie, they don’t care about people liking it, they just want to make more money. And unfortunately they keep making more movies and its the unfortunate truth that:
WE ARE AT FAULT
It’s sad to say, but yes. WE ARE AT FAULT. It is because of us that these sh*tty movies keep being made. And if you don’t believe me look at the gross for these movies:
Date Movie: $78, 548, 426
Epic Movie: $86,865,564
Meet The Spartans: $84,021,565
This is the biggest reason why they are still making movies, because people are still going to go see this movies. And by doing it you are giving in to those assholes at that studio and these filmmakers. That’s why we have Meet The Spartans at #1 on its opening weekend. That’s the reason why we have Vampires Sucks coming out. It is Seltzer and Friedberg’s fault, it is the studio’s fault, it is OUR fault.
How do we change this? It is simple. Don’t see it this weekend, don’t watch any more of those movies, do not join them on Facebook, just stay away. We need to stand up and stop this sh*t from happening again. Don’t you agree?